The Reality of God in a Love Relationship

As we close 2015 and move into 2016, we hope to testify about how real has God been to our relationship in 2015. To say the least, 2015 is a happening year both of us in terms of how the relationship has grown more towards a marriage that we have both set out to achieve. In some sense, we are also trying to keep this blog alive and avoid this blog from dying. After all, this blog we aimed to start up to bless people through our testimonies.

Huanyan's side of the story
For myself, I think God has been real in this relationship through the ups and the downs. But more importantly, it is the small wisdoms that I acquire when following my "instincts" that shows God being real in this relationship. One example was planning for Angelina's birthday. We were planning to go out for a celebration on 15 Nov since I was supposed to be teaching in HopeSem on the day of her actual birthday. Hence we were thinking where to celebrate and how to celebrate. She wanted something fun and so...

But I was actually short of ideas. Then I had the idea of doing some old-fashioned research on the internet and found Amped, which is a company doing trampoline jumping. We can go to the place and jump one hour of trampoline. At this point, I remembered that she has been wanting to go jump trampoline for a very long time and we decided that we will do precisely that on that day after a hearty buffet lunch at Robata Robata. 

What happened next was simply amazing. As we played at the trampoline, we began to play catching during the last 10 min of our session and we really had fun. Angelina was able to laugh heartily for the first time in our relationship. Looking back, it was simply God directing my decision to lead her in that place where we can have fun and play together. It brought me to a place where I realise what it looks like for both of us to have fun. We can expect more sessions of catching in the future. 

Us after the session of trampoline

There are also other times when I acted out of nowhere or when I decided to instinctively give her something. These "something", for some reason, turned up at the right time and helped to cheer her up. I interpret these as the little wisdoms that God impressed in my heart.

Nothing cheers her up more than a random gift of snacks

God also gives me wisdom in the area of letter writing. For those who are not in the know, I actually write love letters on paper to Angelina on a regular basis. Initially, I was only using flowery language but after Angelina gave me feedback that I need to write more about my feelings and substantiate those thoughts with evidence (a bit like writing a history paper), I began to test out different ways of writing, being more intentional in my words. 

Sometime the letter becomes a card

The end result is that I began to insert more biblical perspectives on our relationship into my letters to her. It may not seem very romantic to a lot of people, but I am beginning to believe that the most romantic thing that one can do for his significant other is to disciple her in biblical perspective. This is what Paul wrote in his epistle to the Ephesians:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

 This is a fairly familiar passage. What I have noticed over the years is that God expects us to love our wives, and the way to love her is disciple her so that she may appear sanctified before God. One way to do this and show love to her is to disciple her in the Scripture, allowing her life to be transformed through the infusing of Scriptural truth into her spirit. As I reflect back, this is the wisdom of God that I simply acted upon (without thinking much really).

Another way that God has shown His reality to us is through the little blessings that He showed in our lives. There are times when we find good deals which allow us to have our own fun and high time, enjoying some luxury that we would not otherwise enjoy given our current lifestyle. One such example was a high tea session at Movenpick Hotel. We managed to obtain a Groupon deal and went on to Movenpick to enjoy our high tea - with Angelina like a tai-tai:

A potential tai-tai in the making

Other times of blessing include the one time when I was given a pair of Platinum class movie tickets to watch Avengers by my boss. As a result, we were able to enjoy this:

Probably the one and only time...

I think one lesson that God taught us through these blessings is that even when we do not earn the same level of income as last time, He is still there to bless us, and to take care of us. To me, this is one way that He has shown Himself to be real and faithful in our relationship. These blessings allow us to spend memorable time with one another as we get to know each other more towards marriage.

Angelina's side of the story

Indeed God has been very real in this aspect of being able to "enjoy life" though we have left our very comfortable paying jobs. When we left, I was actually quite apprehensive about how this will affect the kind of lifestyle and dates that we can have. I remember Huanyan frequently suggesting going to cheaper places for meals and being very mindful of the amount we are spending in view of our reduced income. Initially I was quite sian, and I was envious of those who can go to cafes and restaurants as and when they want without having to think of the cost. As a girl, I still enjoyed being pampered with good meals in a nice ambience, but to Huanyan the cost was the main consideration. Thankfully we were able to talk about it very openly and eventually came to a compromise - we will a good meal each month. I must really affirm Huanyan for giving in to me because when he realised how important good meals were to me, and making adjustments to his budget so that he can bring me out :D 

And so on my part I started looking out for deals, so that we can have good meals that are value for money. And actually that became quite fun as it was like a game to look for the best value for money meals. We also started thinking of how we can maximise our dollar through credit card discount and rebates. I must say, because of our change of jobs, we have become better stewards of our finances. God has also blessed us greatly over this one year. Though financially, we have less than what we had previously, but the things we got to experience are amazing! 

Such as a luxury gala dinner at Fullerton hotel!

And we get a chance to dress up!

And I have to say, actually just once of such an experience is sufficient. While these are luxurious ways of pampering ourselves, and we did enjoy ourselves during the session, but after then whole thing was over, we both concluded that we would not pay so much on our own for such an experience. 

One thing that struck me - at the end of the day, all these luxurious experience cannot substitute relationships with people and cannot give you the fulfillment that comes from having strong relationships with people. We actually found it more enjoyable and fulfilling to have home cooked meals by our parents and the time spent with each others' families, as compared to the luxurious experiences we have had.

Another key milestone in 2015 was learning how to manage expectations and working out a compromise without killing each other in the process. I must say that Huanyan has been very patient and giving in this aspect. One of the major issues we were working through is this aspect of connecting emotionally. I had lofty ideas of how I had wanted him to connect with me. And initially, I would just fault him for not doing things in a way I had expected. Only after talking through, then I realised it was not very fair for him because I hadn't communicated these expectations. How could he know what I needed if I hadn't said? I realised that what was very obvious and "duh" to me may not be the case for him because he is not me. And so I learned to actively communicate the expectations I had and to talk through/ negotiate what was realistic and what wasn't. Of course, it took me a while to adjust (and still adjusting) to some of the unrealistic expectations I had/have. 

On his part, he has done a lot to level up and meet the expectations that he deems to be realistic. And he has definitely grown a lot. A lot of the frills that he would not naturally do, he learnt to do, because it was important to me. He also modified his communication style to talk more about feelings so that he could connect better with me. Not easy for him, but he did so nonetheless! At the end of the day, he taught me through his responses, that its not who is right/wrong, but is a issue of respecting each others preferences. And he has definitely been very accommodating of my preferences, and giving up of his right to be "right" out of his love for me.

This brings me to my last point - not only does Huanyan respect my preferences, he respects my limitations and gives me the time and space to grow. Actually I think I am harsher on myself that he is on me. Never once had he said "why can't you be more ...", but he just accepts that I am not like that and still have much to grow in those aspects. And then he patiently talks through the issue so that I have a clearer idea of the issue and gives me pointers on how I can do it better. And he assures me it is ok, when I doubt myself and points me back to God's word as the basis for my hope. And I think this is what a godly partnership is, when one is down, the other comes alongside to provide the support and points the person back to God, without hurrying the growth process or trying to play the role of God to change me. Huanyan has modelled for me what it means to love unconditionally and to see the potential in the person that God has created, but still refining in the process. That is something that I still have much to learn from him!

And of course the year ended off with the hydrangea!

Conclusion

Reflecting at how God has blessed this relationship so far and moving us towards marriage one step closer, it is not difficult to see His hands and fingerprints all over. The question we pose to one another is whether we are able to sustain this relationship in this manner and bring it even higher. The answer, I must say, is yes. And the answer lies in God and His Words. The answer comes from modelling from Christ in terms of His love and humility. That is where we really see the reality of God in our lives. This is what Paul said of Christ and us in Philippians 2:1-11:

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

You see, Christ humbled himself, to the extent of emptying himself of his divine omnipotence and omniscience to be found in the appearance of man, and to be found in the very essence of man. He was willing to be tempted for our sake, suffered for our sake and die for our sake. This is where, in our relationship, we should be modelling after Christ - to value each other more than ourselves, looking out for one another's interest. This is where we hope to build our relationship upon - that we may serve one another more and more and see Christ through each other's love.